hotel room ftw
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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