My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize