Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
