Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
