Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
