We're facebook friends in real life
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
