I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm both gender and math confused
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