Already got asked if we're dating
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
