there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
