yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
