Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
