Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
