I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
