JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
