you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
