SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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