Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
