mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
