the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
