id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
