I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
