READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
