I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
