Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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