Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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