but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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