i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
