I'm so fucking centered right now
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My vagina is officially offended.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
