just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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