Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
