What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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