so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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