Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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