you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
