Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
