one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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