I wish my penis had an off switch
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
