My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
