didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
