i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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