We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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