I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
