I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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