I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think people are normalizing furries
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
