You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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