sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
