and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
