my phone needs a breathalizer
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize