He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
