I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
