Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
