Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
