We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize