apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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