Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
