You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
