This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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