On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we made out on top of his cat.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
