There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
