sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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