you guys were way drunker than both of me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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