WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
