I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
