i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
