just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And then he peed in my hair
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