No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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