So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There was a lot of him and a little penis
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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