I skipped work to stalk him.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
