I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
