Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
