Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
