You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
