If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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