You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
