I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
