wrigley field is MILF paradise
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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