Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
