she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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