He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
