And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
