next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
