she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize