How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
