I think I am morally bankrupt
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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