next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
