I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
