How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
