By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
