i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I pour the whiskey from now on
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
