You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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