I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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