I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My vagina just clenched in fear
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
