I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
