I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
