You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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