i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He shit in the fireplace
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