She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
