Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
