Soap is not a condiment
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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