ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize