last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Randomize
