i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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