my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
