It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
