are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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