Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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