I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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